I somehow completely vagued out on the fact I had another whole blog, I’m not sure why I decided I needed more than one?! Thought I’d write a quick update here 🙂 I’m on my phone so it won’t be long. I’m in shock that it has almost been 2 years since I posted last. I’m honestly in shock. If you want further updates/ more frequent updates on all things me I suggest you pop over Here .
In the mean time I’ll take the opportunity to reflect on the past few years! So if you haven’t already gathered or read any of my other blog posts, I’m a medical student, a third year (of 4) eek! My life unfortunately revolves around that single fact at the moment. Something I hoped would not become the case as my medical training progressed. Unfortunately, the intensity of the course and the study has dragged me into a place where I honestly don’t have much else going on in my life. I spent around 35 hours a week in a hospital and another 30ish at home studying. I feel guilty about taking a few hours off. The missed opportunity to cram more into my small and over saturated brain. And strangely enough, I still struggle to come up with the answers when questioned on the spot by consultants. I feel silly on a daily basis, although I’ve actually become accustomed to feeling stupid a lot of the time. It no longer bothers me when I know nothing or ask dumb questions. The sheer volume of information we are expected to know is impossible and that is something I’ve accepted.
So Med school has been a challenging and personally growing time! Has it been easy? No! Have I sacrificed things? Yea, probably more than I like. Would I change it? Maybe stress less, but otherwise no. It’s days like today that remind me why I wanted medicine. The challenge (never ending) is rewarding. Today my diagnosis was right. Today I explained the physiology correctly to an anaesthetist. Today I was able to hold bowel and feel liver, and assist with hydrocoele removal. Today I got to hold an anxious patients hand before they went into an emergency surgery for their 4th different type of cancer in their lifetime. Today, I felt helpful to the theatre nurses and not just in their way. And you know what? Even though I made silly mistakes, looked dumb at points. I’m ok. I’m happy and I remember why I’m doing what I’m doing. It’s a rollercoaster but the end destination will be worth it.
So I look back at me 2 years ago.. insecure, perfectionistic, petrified of failing, unsure if I could or would succeed, and full of doubt. Here I am not as bothered by making mistakes, having a go or even succeeding. I can talk to patients, I make them laugh and I comfort them. I connect with these people in really vulnerable times. Something I was unsure I was capable of 6 months ago. I can’t imagine where I’ll be by the time I graduate next year. The personal growth is astounding and I’m very thankful for the opportunity.
As I come into exam season, I hope that I continue to be filled with hope and peace.
After next week, I have a little break back home then 5 weeks of paediatrics, 1 week of wrap up, study week then exams. Exams consist of 2 written and an OSCE. I’m petrified! I’m keeping my eye on the prize that after exams, I’m moving back ‘home’ for a year and then after that it’s all electives then graduating. The end has suddenly become tangible.. it excites and scares me. But…. bring it on! This is what I signed up for after all!